The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 13 - "A Tale of 2 Trailers"

In our post-Christmas episode of The Basement Vagrants Podcast we discuss two of the biggest trailers hitting the internet lately, The Three Stooges and The Dark Knight Rises.

Download the episode here

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 12 - "The Basement Vagrants Go Medieval"

It's the Basement Vagrants Podcast, YAAAAAY!

Bubs from The Ring Crew Show joins us this week and we review The Muppets, as well as talk about Crank 3, The Three Stooges trailer, we discuss some of our favorite TV shows and more.

Download the episode here.

Read more »

News - New Munsters and Sony's Latest Moneymaking Scheme,

The classic 1960s television comedy The Munsters is the next property stepping up to the remake plate. NBC has ordered a pilot for a new version of the series and director Brian Singer (X-Men, Superman Returns) is going to be in charge of the project. Most cynical television fans such as myself would likely assume that Singer was tapped to helm NBC's latest experiment due to the popularity of some of his recent films but Singer was actually interested in the project before the network ever expressed interest in it. The direction for the new show has been described as "an imaginative reinvention of The Munsters as a visually spectacular one-hour drama." So the wacky hijinks of Fred, Lily, Grandpa and Eddie are going to be shoved aside in favor of a more serious, one hour Dexter-like drama?

The only question I have is why even bother using an old property like the Munsters if you're going to radically change the show? The original is about a family of monsters (A Frankenstein, a werewolf, 2 vampires and a blonde) getting into crazy situations like finding pirate treasure, Grandpa selling their house to a demolition company and Herman competing in a drag race. The fact that they may now have to be dealing with issues like Eddie smoking marijuana, Lily contemplating an affair with The Invisible Man and Grandpa developing Alzheimers seems ridiculous.

But we all know why they're adapting the old show right? It's not because people these days are dying to see Herman Munster bust through his front door again, and it's not because they feel there are more stories to tell and deeper issues to be explored, it's all because of those 2 billion dollar words that Hollywood are so interested in these days: "Name Recognition". People are familiar with the name, and they'll be curious enough to see what they'll do with a new series, so they'll watch it. Hell I probably will too, so I guess that makes me part of the problem.

I just hope they let Rob Zombie do the theme song.

Sony's PS Vita Will Have Dedicated Memory Cards

Sony's latest version of the PSP, the Playstation Vita is on the cusp of being released in Japan. It is a heavily redesigned version of the PSP with dual thumbsticks, a touch screen intervace, Bluetooth and 3G connectivity as well as better graphics, screen resolution and a much faster processor. Another one of it's unique features was revealed today as dedicated memory cards that can only be used with the system. This means that unlike the PSP which could use standard SD cards sold by many different manufacturers, this handheld device will only save data onto special cards produced by Sony themselves, effectively cornering the memory market for the device.

Sony's software development leader Muneki Shimada has spoken out to news sites saying that the decision was to give "equal conditions" to consumers, stating that since SD cards can have varying speeds and specs, it would be unfair to gamers. Bullshit! It may be true that specs on cards are slightly difference but it doesn't have any effect on gameplay or anything that would impact competition or enjoyment of the device. Maybe Lexar's cards write data .05% slower than Kodak's, who cares? It's obvious what's going on here is that Sony is forcing gamers to spend their money on their cards, for inflated prices.

Here are the proposed prices for the Sony cards:

4GB - $24.99
8GB - $39.99
16G - $69.99
32G - $119.99

If you've bought a memory card in the past year or so, no doubt you've noticed that the prices for portable memory has dropped considerably. A 4GB standard SD card can cost you as low as $10 depending on where you shop, and a 32GB one should not cost a smart shopper more than $50. If you add in the fact that the Vita will not support physical disc versions of games and will require them to be downloaded, 4 gigs will only support a few games, and that's if you don't put music, movies or any other large files onto it. Even if there is a modicum of internal memory (probably only a handful of megs for system settings) this means that the Vita, that will likely be retailing for at least $300 is going to cost gamers quite a bit in the long run.

What a scam.

Read more »

BV Mini Podcast #2 - Saint's Row the Third and Halo Anniversary

I take another half hour to talk about another couple of games I've been playing lately, Saint's Row the Third and Halo Anniversary. It's just me again, but your other favorite podcast co-hosts will be back again next week, don't worry.
Download the episode here

Links
Saint's Row 2 - Shogo Akuji's Death
Saint's Row 2 - Maero's Death
Saint's Row 2 - The Death of Carlos

Read more »

BV Top 5's - Top 5 Most Overrated Games of 2010

The year is coming to an end, and the biggest gaming boom in recent memory is in full swing. Saint's Row The Third, Goldeneye Reloaded, Halo Anniversary, Uncharted 3, Skyrim, WWE 12 and Skyward Sword just to name a few. It's a great time to be a gamer and a bad time to be a poor one. During the greatest 3 weeks of the year I started to think of years past, specifically last year and some of the games released that just didn't live up. This is my list of the top 5 most overrated games of 2010.

5. ModNation Racers.

ModNation racers is a PS3 racer in the vein of Mario Kart. In fact, it's exactly like Mario Kart. So much even that you can actually race as all your favorite Mario characters, unlicensed versions of them of course. The gimmick here is that the game allows the player to design their own tracks, racecars and characters and the amount of options for customization is actually very impressive. All the tools are provided to recreate virtually any character, car or racing strip you can imagine. The racing engine is pretty good as well, controls feel tight, the graphics are cartoony, colorful and fun and despite a lackluster career mode, hopping online or on the couch with a pal for a couple races is actually pretty fun. So why is this an overrated game? Well, in the end the only exceptional part of this game is the creation aspect and the gameplay wears thin after a while. It's a beat for beat Mario Kart clone and once you've raced around a few tracks you've pretty much seen everything the game has to offer. None of the created characters or carts handle differently, they feel the same and make no difference on the race whatsoever. Sure you can race as C'Thulu against the Fantastic Four and Burt Reynolds, but once that novelty wears off you're left with a bland racer with little replay value. You can unlock more parts for cars, tracks and carts by playing through career mode, but there's absolutely no point because you can download any character (and believe me, every character in existence has already been created) online so there's no point in making your own.

ModNation Racers seems impressive on the surface, and it's one of the most customizable games in existence, but beyond that candy coating lies the blandest of chocolates. The cheap kind with that white powder stuff on it.

4. Call of Duty: Black Ops

What? How dare I include a Call of Duty game on this list? Surely one of the games in one of the best selling and most critically acclaimed game series of all time can't be bad. Well, it's not bad really, but it's a game that doesn't really need to exist. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare was a pretty important game in first person shooter history. It wasn't revolutionary really but it's because of that game that a new standard was set for the genre. The online multiplayer was the best ever at the time and the story moved beyond the stagnant setting of WWII and into the present. Combined with the most solid FPS engine to date it made it the benchmark for the most crowded genre in gaming. Then came World at War, a minor setback for the series, plunging the series back in time instead of advancing it even further. It remains a forgotten installment in the series and therefore not much to talk about. Modern Warfare 2 came after, improving upon it's predecessor, removing the annoying respawning enemies that plagued the original Modern Warfare as well as ramping up the action and storytelling and improving the stability and replayability of the multiplayer making it, in my opinion, the best online FPS ever made. Then Black Ops came out in the fall of 2010, breaking records and putting MW2 in the back of everybody's mind but doing nothing to improve the franchise. It brought back the Nazi Zombies mode from World at War which garnered a great response from critics but felt like nothing more than padding. The multiplayer was alright, but didn't feel quite as tight as MW2's, the story mode was pretty "been there, done that" and didn't feel unique or satisfying. There's only so many explosions, tank battles and beach storming a person can take before it seems like old hat.

Black Ops wasn't a bad game at all, but Activision's business plan of putting out another COD game every year and not innovating at all is quickly milking the series and turning some fans off. The fact that each subsequent title breaks the sales record of the previous means that we're bound to get another game next year, and the year after until people start demanding more from their war shooters.

3. Super Meat Boy

Hailed as the modern day resurgence of the platformer genre, Super Meat Boy came out last year to glowing reviews from gamers hungry for a challenge. However when the challenge is grappling with the sloppiest, most floaty and unresponsive controls in a game that's designed to be frustrating, I'll gladly take Kirby's Epic Yarn instead. Super Meat Boy is basically a slicker, more polished version of I Wanna Be The Guy or Kaizo Mario which are all games that are specifically designed to frustrate the player by being unfair, but where's the challenge in that? Challenge should come from a fair and balanced game that requires skill and the cooperation of good controls and physics to complete, but instead we're given a game where your characters runs as if he's always on greased ice, jumps 400 meters in the air and floats like a cotton ball on the moon. The original Super Mario Bros back in 1985 had perfect jumping and running controls and 25 years later few games can get as perfect as that. As far as bringing back the old school platformer, Mega Man 9 came out a year before with amazing retro graphics and excellent controls, but with modern unlockables, achievements and collectables, with a $10 price tag to boot.

Meat Boy isn't that bad, it's fun for a while and the hidden bandages, unlockable characters and secret levels are a great bonus, it just never feels like a genuine challenge or satisfying experience. The art style is very good however and you do get a lot of value for your money, so if you don't mind dying 100 times to one spike trap that is specifically designed to piss you off, go nuts.

2. Pokemon Black and White

Released in Japan in 2010, Pokemon Black and White versions are the latest in a long long line of Pokemon games starting in 1996, and while the series has gotten buffed up with tons of new features and a new coat of semi-gloss every few years, not a whole lot has changed. In this blogger's opinion, Nintendo's portable RPG series hit it's peak in 2004 with Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen and each version after has been somewhat of a disappointment with Black/White being the first that I've never even gotten close to finishing. Maybe I'm getting too old, but the new batch of Pokemon released in this version can't hold a candle to the original 150 and most of them just seem like 5 second creations with little thought whatsoever. There are now pinecone pokemon, disc pokemon, bell pokemon, gear pokemon and numerous redesigns of old ones branded with stupid new names. The main problem with these games is that in 15 years the series hasn't progressed beyond 2d sprite graphics, the same story warmed over year after year, simple sound effects and no voice actors as well as the limitations of always being on handheld consoles.

All that being said, there are now 500 or so Pokemon available in the games now, tons of town to visit, items to find and create and lots of online connectivity that can keep longtime fans busy until the next game, the fact that the series hasn't moved beyond it's billion dollar safe zone, makes this critically praised title just another drop in the Pokemon sea.

1. Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain is not only the most overrated game of 2010, it is one of the worst games I have played on a modern console. Not only did this abysmal piece of electronic garbage get 9s and 10s across the board from reviewers, it appeared on numerous "Best of the Year" lists last year. Critics were wowed by the graphics and innovative storytelling presented in Heavy Rain, and the unique gameplay, and while I will concede that it is a fairly original game in it's execution, at the core of this title is a boring, poorly written, poorly acted and repetitive mess.

Let's start with the story. Heavy Rain is a crime thriller where 4 strangers are caught up in a murder mystery. A private detective hired by one of the victim's mother, a photographer (who really only turns out to be a damsel in distress/eye candy) a distraught father and an FBI agent are all seeking the killer for different reasons and their stories all converge at the end. Unfortunately the story is so convoluted and confusing that the fact that they all meet up at the end isn't important because the way they got there makes no sense. The game is also padded out by subplots and tangents that go nowhere and add nothing to the story because they exist solely to make it seem like the plot is more complex and involved than it really is. Character's frequently make the stupidest choices just to put themselves in peril to make the story exciting, fail to notice obvious clues to what's going on and who the killer is, and occasionally break the laws of space and time in order to hurdle over gaping plot holes. Anyone who says this game has a good storyline really needs to give the game a second look and use a modicum of brain power because I've read Xenogears fanfiction that was better and more coherent than this.

Graphically, the game is decent, I will give it that. The environments are detailed and even though the color scheme is drab and boring, there are a lot of nice textures and modeling. That being said the facial animations are horrible for a game that consists mostly of people talking and spouting off expositional dialogue. I'm all for story based game lay but when the facial animations and lip movements are akin to Speed Racer, it makes it hard to take what's coming out of their mouths seriously. The action scenes are stilted and anything but fluid and any time two characters have to interact with each other it looks like 2 wire mannequins being manipulated by two guys wearing green screen suits.

The gameplay is where this game really hits a wall. The entire game consists of quick time button presses and slowly walking from interactive object to interactive object. The difficulty in the later parts of the game is artificially increased by making the player push more buttons like a crappy game of Simon Says where to pick a lock you have to hold square, triangle, R1 AND turn the analogue stick to the right; Super Meat Boy eat your heart out! The buttons needed to pass certain scenes rarely ever logically corresponds with what you're doing and most of the time it seems completely random. Beating a so-called hard section doesn't feel satisfying, nothing is challenging and the fact that Quantic Dream built a whole game over an overused mechanic that is considered by most to be one of the most annoying trends in modern gaming is baffling. Heavy Rain would be infinitely more fun as a point and click adventure and I had way more fun playing the recent Sam and Max games.

Heavy Rain is a complete failure, and the fact that so many reviewers lost their minds over this game and almost completely ignored other fantastic releases in 2010 like Deadly Premonition and Alan Wake make me wonder where the game industry's head is and how this bodes for the future. Luckily for us though, 2011 is so far a fantastic year for video games and if I do a similar list to this one, it would be much harder.

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 11 - "The Dork Knights"

We're back, and we're talking Batman. We go through (almost) the entire history of the Caped Crusader and discuss the high points and the low points, as well as the future of the franchise.

Thanks for listening. Download the episode here

Read more »

Basement Vagrants Mini Podcast #1

Hi everybody. I'm sorry for the lack of updates, but I can explain, in this mini podcast. I just wanted to take a half hour to talk about a couple games I've been really into lately, as well as what's happening with the show and what's going to happen in the future.

Download the episode here

The Basement Vagrants Podcast is coming back. Stay tuned for our next episode next week.

Read more »

My Top 5 Favorite Comedies

Hi, this is Matt from The Basement Vagrants, and I've compiled a list of my top 5 favorite comedies. These are all movies that I have watched at least 20 times, have entire scenes, or even the entire film, memorized, and still laugh at after years and years of watching. It was hard to narrow it down to 5, but I'm pretty happy with my list.

Please, I beg you, if you haven't seen any of these movies, you're doing yourself a great disservice by not seeing them. Unless your tastes are wildly different from mine (For example, if you think The Hangover is the pinnacle of comedy), in which case disregard this and watch some Dane Cook clips on YouTube instead.

5. The Producers



The Mel Brooks classic The Producers is one of the comedy legend's first movies, and indeed one of his best. It's a musical comedy starring Gene Wilder and Zero Mostel about a Broadway producer who, in order to steal a large sum of money from investors, produces the worst play in history. I love comedies that can be completely summed up in one sentence, the less complicated the better. The centerpiece for this movie is the main musical number Springtime For Hitler, and if you haven't heard this song, watch the movie, don't go find a clip on YouTube. It's so much better in context.

Here's a clip of another one of my favorite scenes.

4. Airplane!

In an age where the word "parody" is used primarily to describe films like Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans you might think that that's what a parody film is, but you'd be wrong. So very, very wrong. Airplane! is the greatest parody ever put on film by the two greatest parody writers who ever lived, Jerry and David Zucker. The amazing thing about this film is that the movie that Airplane! is parodying (Zero Hour) has been almost completely forgotten and Airplane! remains a revered comic masterpiece. Airplane! relies on mainly physical comedy and visual gags, as well as amazing performances by serious actors Leslie Nielsen and Robert Stack who play their comedic roles completely straight laced, and come off as the funniest characters in the entire picture.

3. A Fish Called Wanda

It's sad that A Fish Called Wanda has almost been completely forgotten by people today. It is one of the funniest movies ever made and one of the few comedies to ever win an Oscar (Best supporting actor, Kevin Kline). It stars Pythons John Cleese and Michael Palin, as well as Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Kline. Like I said about The Producers the funniest movies can be explained in one sentence and A Fish Called Wanda is about a diamond heist gone wrong. Kevin Kline is the standout performance in the film as Otto, a pseudo-intellectual ex-CIA agent who hates to be called stupid. It seems that nobody talks about A Fish Called Wanda anymore, but it is honestly one of the sharpest, funniest well acted and written movies I have ever seen.

(The foul person who uploaded the clip I want to show you has disabled embedding so here it is )


2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail/Life of Brian


Ok, I'm kindof cheating on this one, but honestly I cannot choose between them. Holy Grail and Life of Brian are such unbelievable pieces of comic genius that picking which one is my favorite is like Sophie's Choice, only harder. Monty Python's Flying Circus is one of the funniest shows ever put on television, and it's six members are some of the greatest writers and comedic actors that have ever lived. The downside to these movies are that if you don't like Python, you wont like them, non-python fans just don't seem to get it. At one point several years ago I had every single line of dialogue from Holy Grail memorized I've seen it so many times. While I will agree that Holy Grail may have more funny moments than Life of Brian, Brian is funnier in a grander sense since the story itself provides most of the humor, and there isn't nearly as much story in Holy Grail as it is more of a series of sketches. These movies are also a testament to how far god writing and good acting can go towards making a great film for little money. Both films had very tiny budgets, not many actors to work with, hectic shooting schedules and absolutely no special effects or fancy camera work. Pure talent and hard work went into making these pictures.

As far as Meaning of Life and And Now For Something Completely Different go, they're also great Python movies, but sadly come nowhere close to the sheer level of comedic brilliance that their predecessors do.

1. Blazing Saddles

I have been watching Blazing Saddles since I was 10 years old. Since then I have watched it 73 times (yes, I've been counting), that means I've been averages 5 watches a year for 14 years and still I laugh uproariously at nearly every scene. This is Mel Brooks' masterpiece, and a true example of timeless comedy. Cleavon Little, Harvey Korman, Gene Wilder and Madeline Kahn star in this slapstick, offensive and off-the-wall western about a black sherriff that is put in charge of a small town under attack by thugs. This is one of the two movies in the list that I have at one point memorized from the first line "Come on boys" to the last line "Come on". There is no excuse to not have seen this movie yet, it's 37 years old but is just as funny now as it was back then. Seriously, you need to see this movie.

I'm not even going to post clips from it. See it.








NOW!

Read more »

Sorry for Lack of Episodes

I just wanted to make this post to apologize for the lack of an eepisode this week. We had one recorded, but technical difficulties prevented it from being finished. We will have one up next week, I guarantee!*

*Not a guarantee

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 10 - "FOX Hath No Mercy"

We made it to 10 episodes! Woooooo! I can't believe it! In our 10th episode, Bubbs and D-Roc from The Ring Crew Show sit in the hole with me as we talk about The Simpsons possible cancellation, The Human Centipede 2, the iPhone 4S, and we embarrass ourselves by singing childrens television themes.

How can you pass this one up?

Download the episode here

Read more »

Great News for Simpsons Fans

The show may be ending! Yay!

After 23 seasons (10 of them good) The Simpsons may be ending it's painfully long run due to contract negotiations. It seems that the voice actors are not happy with their $8,000,000 a year salaries being cut by FOX and negotiations for the 24th seasons have reached a standstill.

As a true Simpson's fan, this is great news. I feel like Terry Schaivo's husband watching the women (or in this case TV show) he loves slowly being kept alive by artificial means, while any shred of heart and humanity has left the shell of what it once was long ago.

It's time to pull the plug guys. End it. Put a bullet in old Bessie so she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Then for good measure, but a bullet in ol' Family Guy while you're at it.

Read the whole story here

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 9 - "The Best of Both Nerds"

Hailing frequencies open listeners! It's the Star Trek episode of the Basement Vagrants Podcast. In his episode, Schweitzer and I discuss Trek, our favorite series, episodes, movies, Janeway haircuts etc. If you're a fan of Star Trek, or talking, you'll love this episode!

Download the episode here

Read more »

Vagrant Video Reviews - Knockout (2011)

Check it out everyone! Here's our review of the film Knockout starring Stone Cold Steve Austin!

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 7 - "Four Angry Men"

Episode 7 is here! Woo hoo! D-Roc and Punga from The Ring Crew show are with Matt and Shweitzer this time to talk about Blockbuster shutting down, the merits of wrestling and boxing, FOX's Sunday Night Snorefest and lots of other stuff.


Click here to download the podcast.

Read more »

My Retro Gaming Room

Hi everyone, this is Matt from The Basement Vagrants. I wanted to make a short post today showing off a project that I started working on this week. It's not finished yet, and I'm hoping that it's only going to improve as weeks go by, but here is what I've got so far.

I present, my retro gaming room!

All the consoles you see here are hooked up and working. There are a few consoles I have that I haven't been able to hook up yet for various reasons (Sega Mastersystem, Intellivision, Genesis etc.) And yes, I was watching Spawn.

I'm working on getting more poster, older ones in particular to keep with the retro theme, but these will have to do for now. Posters will cover the walls eventually.

More pics to come when it looks even awesomer.

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 6 - "Stop the World of Warcraft, I want to get off!"

It's time for episode 6 of The Basement Vagrants Podcast! This week we talk about George "The One Destined to Bring Bullshit to the Force" Lucas, everybodys favorite robotic police officer, The Expendables 2 and of course, World of Warcraft.

Download the podcast here

Read more »

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Review

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Review
By Matt Recker

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is quite possibly the most aptly named movie to come to theaters in recent memory. Not only was it very easy to not be afraid, but it was very very dark.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (which will henceforth be known as D’BAD) is about a young girl named Sally who comes from L.A. to live with her father in the Adam’s Family’s house and soon find out there are tiny little monsters living inside the basement who want to kill her and eat her teeth. It stars Guy Pierce, Katie Holmes and Bailee Madison, and while none of the performances were bad, none of them really stood out either. Twelve-year-old Bailee Madison is pretty good as Sally, performing well above what is commonly expected from a child actor. The acting is competent, but does nothing to add to the quality of the picture.

Ok

D’BAD is a movie that takes absolutely no risks. The plot is fairly simple and straight forward, there is no twist ending or big reveal and all of the events play out exactly as you would expect them to. It’s safe to say that if you’ve seen more than a handful of horror movies in your lifetime, you’ve seen this movie before. Every scene feels like it was borrowed from some other below average horror flick, there is nothing unique or interesting at all on screen here and by the end it makes you feel tired and bored, at least it did to me.

As far as visuals go, if there is anything to see on screen worth noting the movie is so dark I could not see it. The creature designs look alright, and it’s really nice to see monsters return to the big screen in theaters dominated mainly by ghosts and aliens, and I thought they looked fairly unique but there are only a couple moments where you can get a decent look at them. For the most part, this is intentional to build suspense and fear but even in the scenes where you’re supposed to be able to see them it’s difficult due to the films extremely dark tone. The house itself looks good, which is a good thing since the entire movie takes place there, and the scenes in the creepy basement are for the most part… well, creepy. The movie never dares to do anything different visually, instead it settles into a cozy little corner of cinematic cliché where there is no fear of taking a chance and failing.

Do yourself a favor and watch this instead

There are also a lot of times when the characters in the movie behave like complete idiots, or seemingly important points are completely glossed over. In one scene, Sally is attacked by hundreds of the monsters in the library of her mansion during a party, and manages to actually kill one of the creatures just before her father and his guests burst in the room. Her dad rushes in to comfort her and then the scene ends. Sally doesn’t think to show the dead monster to her dad to finally prove that they’re real? Even if her dad did believe her at that point, wouldn’t it be an important plot point for him to actually see one of the creatures that has been terrorizing his daughter? I guess not, because despite deliberately showing her kill one of the things it is never shown or mentioned again. Another thing that bugged me is that the creatures are afraid of light (real original) but everyone in the movie, including the girl, insists on keeping the lights off at all hours of the day, and only doing anything at night. I understand that if they kept the place lit up like Vegas 24/7 then the monsters wouldn’t get any screen time, but do they have to practically invite them to ruin their lives. Even when the entire family finally realizes that the house is swarming with demons that want to eat their daughter and kill her stepmom, they decide to stay in the house just one more night, then leave in the morning. Yeah, that makes sense. Also, I’m not going to spoil the ending, but it makes absolutely no sense either. Characters are attacked for no reason, the monsters purpose is explained but their actions make no sense in regard to their overall goal, plot points are glossed over or forgotten about completely, it’s really just a mess. The whole film suffers from the classic horror movie syndrome where the characters act completely illogically so that the evil force can prevail, despite its incompetence.

Bottom line, D’BAD isn’t completely offensive to the senses. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen in theaters, not even close, but it’s just not that interesting, scary or original in any way. I’m hard pressed to find any redeeming value in it other than the fact that it wasn’t horribly painful to see. It’s a movie that has no reason to exist, and is destined to lie forgotten in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart in a years time.

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 5 - "It's The Wallace Grisby Show!"

This time Schweitzer and I are alone and talking about James Bond. We even manage to stay on topic this time, mostly.

Read more »

Thunderball Review

The James Bond series started off very strong with a fantastic trilogy of films, but the silver had to start to tarnish eventually, and it all started with Thunderball. I wouldn't say that Thunderball is a bad entry, but it's the distinct point in the series where cracks would start to show in the franchises armor, and is a major step down in quality after the first 3 films.

Fuck Aquaman!

In Thunderball, 007 must try to recover two nuclear bombs stolen by Emilio Largo, head of extortion and "Number 2" of the criminal organization SPECTRE. Largo plans to use the bombs to hold the world hostage for £100 million by threatening to detonate them in either the United States or England. Thunderball is a largely water themed movie, with many scenes taking place on a beach, underwater, or on Largo's luxury yacht, the Disco Volente.

One main problem with Thunderball is that there is very little action, and what action there is isn't very exciting. There is one main action sequence near the end, one that's become rather infamous among Bond fans for being one of the slowest, most boring in the history of the series. Near the end of the film, a battalion of US Coast Guards, led by Bond's pal Felix leiter, attempt to storm Largo's boat and meet up with all of Largo's soldiers and fight for what feels like 20 minutes underwater. A battle at the bottom of the sea is pretty interesting idea for an action scene, and on paper it seems very exciting, but unfortunately it doesn't translate well to the screen. The only weapon used are harpoons, which are a nice change of pace from bullets, but there's only so many times you can see a man get stuck in the chest in slow motion before it becomes tedious. The plot is also not exciting enough to keep the audience engaged and interested in the why the action is happening, or providing any consequences to it's conclusion.

Largo is visually an interesting villain. He's an older, charismatic man with an eye patch and a beautiful island mansion, complete with killer shark pool. Along with Blofeld (Number 1) he probably has one of the most iconic looks in the franchise. He reminds me a lot of Fransisco Scaramanga from The Man With the Golden Gun, one of my all-time favorite villains. His plan to extort the world with nuclear warheads seems pretty standard and ordinary, for Bond anyway, and it never seems to bring any tension into the movie. He makes his demands early on and we see M and other heads of British Intelligence and the government worry a little about paying the ransom, and then the threat is forgotten about for most of the movie. It never feels like any of the events and situations James is in relate much to the plot, or are working to resolve the conflict at all. Despite his appearance, Largo is the first forgettable villain of the James Bond series.

Our Bond girl this time is Domino, played by Claudine Auger, Largo's mistress. Like her employer, Domino is a forgettable companion to Bond. She is involved with the situation solely because of her relationship with Largo and although she plays a pretty big role in Largo's defeat at the end, she does not contribute much to the success of Bond's mission. Domino is much like Largo in their contributions to the film, they are involved in the plot but never seem like they are having much effect on the movie. They are both largely forgettable and do not in any way live up to their predecessors.

I do not hate Thunderball, but I don't particularly like it. At 130 minutes it is one of the longest Bond films, and due to the lack of action or excitement, you feel every minute of it. There are some good scenes, like when Bond first meets Largo in the casino, and the opening scene featuring Bond using a jetpack (admittedly quite silly, but in a fun way). Also the marti-gras sequence is entertaining visually. Thunderball was the most financially successful movie in the James Bond franchise, but for my money it was the first disappointment, but thankfully it's one small bit or tarnish on an otherwise beautiful piece of silver.

Read more »

The Basement Vagrants Podcast - Episode 4 - "Bangin' It"

We've got a big show for you this time. In this episode, Derek and Punga from The Ring Crew Show join us to talk about, what else, wrestling! Plus some other stuff, but mostly WRESTLING! Don't miss this episode, ya jabroni!

Read more »

Shark Night 3D Review

Here’s a quick math question: What do you get when you have a cheesy horror movie about killer sharks, plus the director of Snakes on a Plane, plus 3D? The answer may surprise you. I it was a fun, cheesy, wink-at-the-camera horror movie with some awesome gimmicky 3D scares. It turns out I was wrong. The correct answer is a boring, cliché, tired horror retread with limited 3D and cringe worthy dialogue and characters. Who knew?

This is about as 3D as the movie gets

In Shark Night, a group of teenage horror movie clichés decide to spend summer break at the island home of one of their friends. But, unbeknownst to everyone, the lake that surrounds this island is infested with sharks. That’s about all you get a for a plot, other than a needless, tacked on twist ending which isn’t even worth spoiling because really, they could have left it on the cutting room floor and it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. Actually, scratch that, it would have made it better. Coming from the director of Snakes on a Plane, the plot seems fitting. Sharks in a Lake would have made a great sequel, but one thing this movie does not do is play up the simplicity for laughs. In fact, the film seems to be taking the whole killer shark island thing rather seriously. Even scenes that could easily be played completely for laughs are taken with a rather serious tone. An example being when the character Malik (played by who fucking cares) has his arm bitten off and his girlfriend killed by the sharks, grabs a harpoon and goes back into the lake to take revenge. At first I wasn’t quite sure whether they were making a joke or doing it with a straight face, I’m still not exactly sure, but since it’s the only goofy, lighthearted moment in the whole film, I have to believe that that isn’t what they were going for. The original planned title of the movie was going to be Untitled 3D Shark Thriller, but apparently someone higher up than director David Ellis made him change the name to Shark Night 3D. Maybe that’s what the movie was originally going for, but all of that has been cut from the finished product.

As far as characters go, there isn’t any. Donal Logue has a couple funny moments as the laid-back, small town sheriff, and there’s a couple laughs between the hillbilly boaters that attempt to rescue the stranded 90210 rejects from the island, but every member of the gang of soon-to-be-chum are completely bland and uninteresting. This tends to be a standard for movie characters in the killer animal/slasher genre, since they are basically set up as meat puppets to be killed off in gruesome ways, but the gore and horror elements of this flop are not good enough to endure their generic stock dialogue and cut and paste character traits.

Also, for a movie about killer sharks, you’d think there would be some pretty gory stuff going on, but you’d be wrong. Most of the gore takes place underwater or after the camera cuts away. This is likely due to the fact that this is a PG-13 movie, a big mistake for a movie that’s trying to do violence and gore and actually be serious about it. This also means that there is very little foul language and absolutely no nudity, two important staples of the genre. The cgi sharks all look lifeless and bland and despite the fact that there are supposed to be multiple breeds of shark on display, it looks like the animators only bothered to render 3 different models and change the size to suit the situation. There are some decent looking aerial shots of boats speeding along swampy waterways and some of the camera views from underwater look alright, but it’s even a stretch to say that these are that good. I think I’m just desperate to find something good here.

Not as bad as this, but close.

For a movie with 3D in its title, and especially one using it as a complete gimmick, you would assume that the 3D is going to be done well right? Wrong again. There are two types of 3D typically in movies these days: post-production “layer” 3D where the movie is digitally altered after being filmed to give the impression of 3D layers, and “real” 3D where special cameras are used to film in 3D from the very beginning. Shark Night 3D is the former. This can be noticed when things are coming at the camera, which happens pretty infrequently. In a proper 3D movie, if a shark is swimming towards you, it will appear to come out of the screen and close to your face, in the movie the shark faces bulge out a little bit, but there is nothing even close to a shocking 3D shark attack to be seen. There is one or two times when things appear to come out of the screen and actually make you react, and they’re both near the end of the movie, and only elicit a slight shutter. This is not good enough! When you have a lame, boring, cliché and uninteresting movie, 3D can actually make it good if it’s done right. My Bloody Valentine 3D is a great example of this. Bad plot, bad characters, warmed over 80s slasher schlock; great 3d, great movie. This movie is a cake without the icing, a vegetable without the dip, a massage without a happy ending.

I wasn’t going into this movie expecting anything deep or interesting, but what I was expecting was to have some fun, like the fun you have watching a Friday the 13^th or Nightmare on Elm Street, or if you want to scrape the bottom of the barrel, maybe even a Saw movie, but there is absolutely nothing to grab onto in this film that’s even remotely entertaining. Shark Night 3D is the biggest disappointment I’ve had at a movie theater in a very long time. I went into this movie expecting one thing, and got the old bait (pun intended) and switch. Maybe it’s my fault for not reading reviews, maybe it’s my fault for not paying more attention to the internet and its endless stream of spoiler-laden info, but I guess that’s what I get for wanting to see a movie and be surprised and have fun.

Read more »

Goldfinger Review

Goldfinger is widely considered to be the best that the James Bond series has to offer. It’s certainly the most iconic Bond film and it set the standard that all subsequent entries in the series would attempt to reach. Homage has been paid to this films many memorable scenes and characters in Hollywood, in movies, television, comic books, music and many other mediums. It was the first Bond film to receive an Academy Award (sound editing) and one of the most financially successful Bond films of all time.

The Plot

The movie opens with James Bond 007 relaxing at a luxurious hotel in Miami, where he just happens to run across the wealthy, gold obsessed, Auric Goldfinger. Bond and his partner Felix Leiter soon receive word from M, the leader of MI6 British Intelligence that they are to monitor Goldfinger and try to gain some information about his means of international gold smuggling. Bond conducts surveillance on Goldfinger eventually learning of his plan to rob the United States Gold Repository of Fort Knox.

Out of all the movies so far, and perhaps all in general, Goldfinger has the most exciting, creative and unique plot, settings and characters. Some of the greatest scenes take place in a beach resort in Miami, an exciting midnight car chase in a munitions factory, Goldfingers Kentucky ranch and Fort Knox, including some fantastic scenes in an airplane, the shootout in the gold vault and the entire Operation Grand Slam master scheme to rob the biggest bank in the world. This is the point in the series where the action and espionage aspects are starting to hit their full stride and really set the gold standard for the genre.

The Villain

Goldfinger is one of the most recognizable Bond villains of all time, and it’s no secret as to why. He’s smart and witty, cocky and yet modest at the same time, and most of all for a villain, he’s actually very likable. Goldfinger isn’t a madman bent on destroying the world, or ruling it, or killing people in any way. Goldfinger loves gold, and his sole plan in the movie is to acquire gold and make it more valuable. Like Bond quips in one of their meetings “You’re nothing but a common bank robber”. In fact, if Goldfingers plan to break into Fort Knox had gone off without a hitch; nobody would have died at all. The United States economy would have tanked, sure, but there would have been no bloodshed. Goldfinger has a simple, endearing charm and even though he straps 007 to a table and attempts to separate his left half from his right, in a way you want him to succeed with his plan, because after all, who doesn’t love a good heist.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why Goldfinger is such a good villain, all I can say is that everything about him works. He’s just as funny, sinister and clever enough to be a criminal mastermind without turning into a caricature. He’s just innately entertaining to watch.

The Girl

Honor Blackman plays Pussy Galore, an ace pilot and flight instructor, and personal employee of Goldfinger. She is quite possibly the strongest female character in the Bond series, and to this day remains one of the only women able to resist 007’s manly charms, well, for the most part. In the end she plays a key role in the foiling of Operation Grand Slam and even more so than Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love assures James Bond’s victory over his nemesis. Throughout the movie there isn’t even much of a romance built up between Bond and Pussy, she’s strictly business and in the end her good heart triumphs over her allegiance to evil. She is one of the best Bond girls in the franchise and is also one of the most memorable.

My Thoughts

Goldfinger is quite simply one of my favorite Bond films. If I were to rank all of them it would definitely be in the top 3. I gladly watched Dr. No and From Russia With Love for these reviews, but I was actually looking forward to watching Goldfinger again for what would probably be the tenth time. There are some interesting faults with the plot that I want to mention though, they don’t take away from the quality of the movie, but they always stick out in my mind. Goldfinger uses the help of about 20 or so businessmen in order to get the resources he needs for his heist and in the middle of the film he invites them all to his ranch and gives a long elaborate presentation on his plan and how it could benefit them. He explains that they can all take the money he owes them and leave or stay and increase the amount ten times. One man decides to cash out and leave, and Goldfinger sends him on his way in an expensive car. When the man is leaving, Goldfinger then locks the room and pumps in poison gas, killing all of his investors, then drives the other man in the car to an impound lot, has him shot and has the car crushed. What’s the point? What’s the point in explaining his whole plan to a room full of men he’s just going to kill anyway, and what’s the point of ruining his Rolls Royce killing the one man who disagreed with the group he’s just going to kill anyway?

What’s worse is how Goldfinger treats Bond. Bond sleeps with Goldfinger’s woman and causes him to lose a large amount of money during the beginning of the movie, so he sends Oddjob (former wrestler Harold Sakata) to kill the girl, but doesn’t kill Bond. Then, later when Bond and Goldfinger are playing golf, Bond cheats in order to make Goldfinger lose even more money in the wager they made, again Goldfinger lets him go. Then, after Bond follows him to the factory, he is captures and about to be killed by Goldfiner, finally. So, Bond very easily tricks Goldfinger into letting him live, but keeping him imprisoned. Of course, Bond escapes and learns more about the heist, then is captured again. Does Goldfinger kill him now? Now that he knows every detail of his plan? Nope. He brings him with him to Fort Knox to be handcuffed to the bomb (which literally has an on/off switch inside of it that James pretty easily gets to). Goldfinger may be one of the best villains in a Bond movie, but he is nothing if not a bit bumbling.

Read more »

From Russia With Love Review

From Russia With Love is the second movie in the James Bond franchise, and can be considered a direct sequel to Dr. No. The film came out in 1963, only a year after its predecessor and with double the budget.

The Plot

SPECTRE is at it again, this time planning to steal a cryptographic device called a Lektor from the Russians and sell it back to them, and exact revenge on James Bond for killing their operative Dr. No. SPECTRE’s leader, referred to only as Number 1, enlists the services of ex-counter intelligence officer Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya) to trick Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) a cipher clerk working in Istanbul, Turkey, into defecting to British Intelligence with the device, and luring James Bond into their web.

The Villains

The main villains in the film are Rosa Klebb and a SPECTRE assassin named Donald Grant, but unfortunately neither of them is used to great effect, from an action standpoint. Grant attempts to kill Bond on a train by pretending to be his British contact, which leads to a pretty exciting fight, but it is one of very few in the movie, and despite being referred to as one of the organizations top assassins, he never really seems very threatening or dangerous. Grant only gets one attempt at Bond before he is killed and while the scene is well done, it doesn’t really make Grant out to be a great killer. Klebb is the most interesting villain in the movie. She is a cold, stern, rock faced Russian woman who brings a sense of menace and steely soviet power into her scenes. She’s definitely more serious and threatening than Dr. No, but she really only has one actual confrontation with Bond near the end. She is basically the “brains of the operation” and it’s understandable that she wouldn’t really get her hands dirty in this matter, but her scenes mostly consist of dialogue between her and her boss. The biggest villain however is the barely seen Number 1, the leader of SPECTRE. This is the character that is most recognizable as the archetypal Bond villain. He is only seen from the chest down, stroking a white cat. Most people would instantly recognize him as the character that the Dr. Evil character from the Austin Powers movies is based on. From Russia With Love is the first time this staple of the Bond series is seen in the films, and does a great job foreshadowing his larger role in the films to come.

The Girl

Tatiana Romanova is a cryptograph clerk who is used as a pawn to deliver the Lektor and to ensnare Bond and bring him to SPECTRE. She goes along with the fake defection plan, under threat of death, but upon meeting Bond and spending time with him, she falls in love, betrays Klebb and SPECTRE and ultimately helps Bond defeat his enemies. This is the classic Bond girl. She’s not just a bystander who gets mixed up in Bond’s adventure by chance, she’s not an empty headed bimbo, she’s a smart, competent, and loyal companion to Bond and she sets the gold standard of what a Bond girl should be. Unlike Honey Ryder from Dr. No who stumbles into Bond’s mission near its completion and flounders alongside him until it’s finished, Tatiana is there from the beginning, and is essentially the biggest part of SPECTREs plan, and it’s only because of her that Bond was able to survive in the end (spoiler alert).

My Thoughts

From Russia With Love is considered by many to be the best James Bond film ever made, and I can see why. It has the smooth pacing of Dr. No, but with more action, stunts, and excitement, but not so much that it seems like a dumb action film. The characters are interesting and memorable and Sean Connery gives an amazing performance yet again. This movie had a much larger budget than the first in the series, and it’s very apparent from start to finish. There are more explosions, the scenery is more exotic and the boat chase at the end is one of the best in the series. At 115 minutes, the movie is the perfect length, and there seems to be more music than in the previous film. The opening credits also begin to resemble more modern Bond openings, with dancing women, psychedelic colors and interesting camera tricks. Matt Monro’s theme song is heard in instrumental only at the beginning, and is played again during the ending with full lyrics, using traditional Russian instruments to give that real soviet feeling.

Unlike the previous film, Dr. No, From Russia With Love’s plot is easy to follow, simple and flows nicely from the start of the movie until the end. The characters motivations are clear, their goals are realistic and logical and everybody acts the way they’re supposed to. This might sound like a cold and formulaic analysis of a story, but it’s a refreshing change from the murky, unclear motivations and actions of the previous film. At this point the James Bond series was off to a strong start, and it would only get stronger with the next in the series, Goldfinger.

Read more »